Scene: Sitting in a coffee shop after skipping out on my MRI mammogram. I’m drinking a Canadiana—a drip coffee with a double shot of espresso that’s giving me triple-spasm jitters. (I don’t drink coffee anymore, never mind this high octane tasty tar.) So far as I know, there’s nothing wrong with my mams. I’m quite […]
Warning: (r)Aging Lady. Aches and Pains and Plaque. Damn It.
I’m laying face down, almost naked save for skimpy skivvies (that be slang for panties). Can you tell my ass isn’t balanced? I ask, lifting my head. Yep, this side is more developed, he confirms. Shit. I knew it. That’s not good for your neck. I put my face down. He continues. It’s not noticeable […]
New Prescription: Red Lipstick & BJs
Mermaid, Tango and I go on a road trip to Ojai. We drive along the Pacific Coastal Highway in his red Mercedes convertible. It’s a balmy day and the top is down, so I hop in the backseat and feel like a six-year old on her way to Disneyland. Mermaid rides shotgun; her curly tresses […]
A Letter to My Dad… I Forgive You; I Apologize to You; I Thank You
Hi Dad, or should I call you Henry? It’s been so long I’m not sure how to address you anymore. I was looking at old photos the other day and thought of you. I wonder if you’ll get this, if any of it will register. Will it find you, wherever you are? I wanted to […]
New Prescription: Pork and Port
Mermaid and I go on a road trip to the Ventura Flea Market and then to Ojai, both about a 90-minute drive north of Venice Beach. Being of the eco-friendly nature, she drives a hybrid. Being of the collecting treasures kind, said hybrid is already stacked with former flea market finds: fabrics, blankets, baskets, wall […]
What’s Up Doc?—Certainly Not My pH! (Unease or Dis-ease)
May. After no holds barred à la boulangerie (French for “bakery”) in Paris whereupon I gained seven pounds in seven days despite excessive walking and ab workouts (coughing due to second-hand cigarette smoke), I’m sitting in my GP’s office with a point form list in my hand (my LMLotFM sits beside me: for comfort and […]
Family Matters, Health Matters: Mind Over Matters?
April. I went to my Metaphysical/Intuitive/Aura-reading/Psychic Shrink (MIAPS). Well, I didn’t tell you the whole story … MIAPS, reading my cards: “Mmm … karmic debt.” Me, concerned: “What? What is it?” MIAPS, sighing compassionately: “You’re here for the summer for your family.” Me, sighing relieved: “Ooh.” We’re both thoughtful for a moment. Me, resigned: “Okay. […]
Poked and Prodded – Physically, Metaphysically
March. Poked and Prodded Part 1: Physically Me: “So I’ll just take my shirt off?” Him: “Leave your bra on.” Me: “It’s a workout top.” Him: “Put the straps under your arms.” Me: “Okay … but not the sweat pants, right?” Him: “Yes, take those off, too.” Me, avoiding eye contact: “But I haven’t shaved […]
