goD Spelled Backwards is doG. Therefore, timmaddoG, I’m Not a Pet Person. Okay, I’ll admit my little Rent-a-Pet, cats- and dog-sitting deal was fun the first week. If you recall, my roomie is away for what is now seemingly foreverrrr. Anyway, I walk SashaMoto—I renamed her—twice a day and/or take her for hikes. I brush […]
A Conversation with God(ly People).
I wrote my last blog (the one about masturbation and dildos) before meeting the born again Christians (or is that Born Again?) for a three-hour lunch and chat, which sort of turned into a bible session—only without the Bible but with a lot of talk about our Lord God Almighty. (I’m sure referencing Him requires […]
Modern ‘Medical’ Devices: Divinity Approved or The Devil Dared Me?
After a few days of frustration in trying to format/upload/preview my book to online retailers and then try to send them my bank info so they’ll know where to direct all those best-seller ebook funds (sideways glance) from the impending mega sales of my memoir—details to follow—I decide to take a breather. I drive around […]
Waiting For Someone To Squeeze My Boobs.
Scene: Sitting in a coffee shop after skipping out on my MRI mammogram. I’m drinking a Canadiana—a drip coffee with a double shot of espresso that’s giving me triple-spasm jitters. (I don’t drink coffee anymore, never mind this high octane tasty tar.) So far as I know, there’s nothing wrong with my mams. I’m quite […]
… And Then I Got a Fcking Motorbike! Almost.
So I’m driving all over God’s creation looking for a trophy shop to recycle these real estate and humanitarian awards (singular on the latter, I wasn’t that good of a do-gooder) because I’m trying to save the planet. But while driving around, I’m polluting the hell out of it and wasting a lot of high-priced […]
The Sh*t We Talk About At Family Dinners. Warning: TMI.
(TMI=Too much info!) As you may know, my sister-in-law had cancer last year and part of this year—until part of her was removed—but you’ll be happy to know that she still has her ass and she’s cleared for take off, as in cancer-free! I didn’t divulge too much back then out of respect and because, […]
I Stab You in Neck With Fork. Or—This Is Me With PMS.
It’s been too long so I’m just going to start rambling and see where it goes. Bear with me. I’m jacked up on chocolate because I’m PMSing and another family member is in the hospital. Flashback to two hours ago: I waste petrol and kill planet to take a purpose driven dash down to the […]
Mexico: Weeks 3 & 4—On Mexican Dime
Friday: Go to the market, get weekly groceries, all organic: $45. Check. Go to bakery. (It’s a given at this point.) Get a fish taco (finally). Check. Go for a ‘Mayan’ massage—basically a hippy-dippy-chakra-balancing-my-heart-centre-hurts-and-my-legs-are-unshaven-prickly-incence-burning session. Nonetheless, afterwards, I feel pretty good even if my fourth chakra still sucks. Saturday: Bus to Mega store for organic […]
Mexico: Week Two—Dog Shit, Horse Shit, Bullshit
Friday: Go to Spanish class mildly hung over from the shenanigans with Montana Man (see Mexico: Week/Weak One post), which is held at the local gringos elementary school with an earthen-floor playground (as in: compacted dirt; as in: open-air outside). My school room is under a large palapa within the confines of la escuela (the […]
Mexico: Week One aka Weak One (Me)
Checklist: Make sure airplane leaves L.A. right on time—if right on time means Mexican time, which it does, then depart 45 minutes late for no apparent reason. Check. Arrive in Puerto Vallarta airport to 30 degree temperatures (celcius, that equals 85 ish for you U.S.ers) plus humidity wearing jeans and 14 layers of sweaters because […]
