Top Story: Sex with Gerard Butler!
What kind of woman writes a blog title ripe with a sleazy, misleading click bait title claiming to have had sex with Gerard Butler?
Well, if you’re a subscriber you already know, but for the newbies, I’ll tell you the kind… in a poem.
A Poem Written by the Crazy Lady Claiming Sex with Gerard Butler (Yeah, cats out of the bag, it’s me.)
She’s bold
And truth be told
Kinda getting old
But her personality is gold
Bacon
If it’s any consolation (more for me than you), it did take me over a week to decide to publish this.
But since you clicked for the intel on getting it on with The Gerry, I’ll acquiesce your curiosity by starting with that topic.
It was a dream.
Dream #20 of Gerard Butler, in fact.
If you want to read about how many times he rejected me in previous dreams, you can read about that here, I think.
The rip-off is I don’t even remember the sex dream—so he couldn’t be that great in the sack, at least not in my dreams—but now I can check something off my bucket list: Sex with Gerard Butler.
My bucket list doesn’t stipulate if sex with Gerard Butler must be real and since I am pushing 50 so I’ll take the liberty of marking this goal as: Completed.
Be right back…
I’m back!
In my absence, I discovered I don’t actually have a bucket list!
(I’ll work on it, maybe even later in this post.)
My Celebrity Crush on The Gerry
Yes, I did mention in a previous blog post I was replacing my fantasy celebrity crush on The Gerry with “that other actor who’s name I’ve already forgotten” but clearly my subconscious isn’t ready to give up on Mr. G-spot aka The Gerry aka Gerard Butler.
Likely OCD needs a neat and tidy 10 year happy ending (of my Gerry fantasy, that is), which coincides with my 50th birthday next May (2021), so I’ll sustain my own objection to abandoning said crush on one condition:
If I dream about having sex with Gerard Butler again, he’d better be satisfying (me) in it.
You paying attention, Subconscious Mind? I’m watching you!
By the way, in case you’re in a relationship, I believe it’s perfectly ok for a couple to have celebrity crushes as long as they’re not serious or interfering with your relationship!
Now that we all know my mental health remains comically unstable, in my next post I’ll update y’all on my physical ailments… which will also explain why I’m “off the market.”
In the meantime, if you’re new here (or forgot but want to read again) I reviewed the many health challenges I’ve been dealing with over yonder.
Bucket List:
- Get healthy.
- Get sleep. (More in that in my next post—subscribe if you want to be notified. Hint: you do.)
- Strive to a better person.
- Be grateful for what God gave me.
- El Camino trail.
xo AJ
p.s. If you would like to buy me a why-bother (overpriced decaf brevé latte) or get my memoir, those options are here. Thank you so much!
p.p.s. Email replies go to the Never Ever Land ether (I don’t see them), so best to post your thoughts in a public comment on this blog! #kisskissbangbang
